


The Chosen One

by roaroftheninth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Buffy AU, Gen, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roaroftheninth/pseuds/roaroftheninth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a Tuesday night, and he’s got a massive mid-term tomorrow in Biology that he and Eleanor are studying for – read: watching reruns of Say Yes to the Dress and wondering why TLC ever bothers airing anything else – and he really, really doesn’t have time for the two idiots that are standing on his front porch, looking colossally confused and asking nonsensical questions.</p><p>Or: Louis answers his front door one evening, and a couple of weirdos inform him that he might just be the next vampire slayer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Chosen One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm cranking out oneshots like it's my job lately. I'm in a weird place creatively? Whatever. You don't have to have watched Buffy to understand this, but if you have watched Buffy, you're awesome and we should be friends.

Louis blinks, because nothing about this makes any kind of sense.

 

“Sorry?”

 

It’s a Tuesday night, and he’s got a massive mid-term tomorrow in Biology that he and Eleanor are studying for – read: watching reruns of  _Say Yes to the Dress_  and wondering why TLC ever bothers airing anything else – and he really, really doesn’t have time for the two idiots that are standing on his front porch, looking colossally confused and asking nonsensical questions.

 

“You’re – not a girl,” repeats the one with the close-cropped hair, and maybe Louis needs to really give him the serious, fully-executed, three-hundred-and-sixty-degree eye-roll this time.

 

“Do you need evidence?” He moves a hand threateningly toward the draw-string on his track pants. “I can provide some.”

 

“Would you?” That’s the same one as before. He flushes red when Louis’ eyes widen pointedly. “I mean. For science. Uh.”

 

“What Liam means to say,” the blond one cuts in, and it’s the first time he’s spoken, “is that the rules are fairly clear.  _One girl in all the world._  And you’re very pretty and everything but you’re not a girl. So we’re a bit confused.”

 

“ _You’re_  confused?” Louis demands.

 

The two of them exchange glances. “See, the thing is,” the blond one begins, just as there’s an odd sort of – rustling? From the bushes at the end of the driveway? Louis squints, but he can’t tell if there’s a dog or something sniffing around in there.

 

“Can we come in?” The one with the short hair – Liam – looks like he wants to wait for an answer, glancing back worriedly over his shoulder with a frown, but the blond one does no such thing. He grabs Liam by the crook of his arm and drags him past Louis into the house, before Louis can do much more than make a sound that could most charitably be described as a squawk of indignation.

 

“Shut the door,” Liam instructs. He’s got a very keep-calm-and-carry-on demeanor; despite that, Louis gets the odd impression that the statement was meant to be very urgent indeed.

 

“Shall I make you tea and offer you the remote while you make yourself at home in my house?” Louis asks, sarcasm fully intended.

 

“Trust me, mate, you want to shut the door,” the blond one says, sliding past Louis and doing it for him. Louis just stares at him.

 

“ _Who_   _are_ you?” He demands.

 

“Well, I’m Niall.”

 

“Oh, good, so the one who barges into other peoples’ houses without permission is Niall,” Louis remarks.

 

“And that’s Liam,” Niall continues, unfazed.

 

“And the one who wants me to drop my trousers  _for science_  is Liam,” Louis concludes. “Good, now that’s settled.  _Why are you in my house?_ ”

 

Liam appears to be blushing too furiously to answer, so Niall takes up the charge. “See, the thing is, all of those things that go bump in the night – you know, demons and vampires and what-have-you – they’re sort of real.”

 

“Demons and vampires and what-have-you,” Louis repeats flatly.

 

“Exactly, yeah.” Niall either doesn’t pick up on Louis’ sarcasm or he blithely skips right past it. “And there’s supposed to be someone who can fight those things, yeah? Like. A Slayer.”

 

“ _The_  slayer,” Liam puts in weakly, having recovered only partially from his embarrassment. “One girl in all the world.”

 

“One girl,” Louis repeats. “In the entire world. To fight hordes of vampires and demons. By herself.”

 

“Um, yeah,” Liam replies.

 

“That’s logical.” Louis folds his arms. “Anything else? Do we embark on a mighty quest to track and murder Big Foot in the morning? What’s our stance on mermaids?”

 

Niall frowns. “Big Foot’s not real.”

 

“ _Oh, really?_ ” Louis doesn’t bother to hold back on that scathing nature of his tone.

 

“We should check into mermaids, though,” Liam puts in.

 

“We should definitely check into mermaids,” Niall agrees.

 

“Okay,  _what –_ ” Louis doesn’t get a chance to articulate how full of shit they both are because the doorbell rings. “Who’s that, then?” He asks. “More idiots?”

 

“Don’t answer it,” Liam says at once. Niall looks like he can already tell that telling Louis not to do something achieves the exact opposite result, because he cringes.

 

“Maybe I  _will_  answer it,” Louis challenges. “In for a penny, in for a bloody pound.”

 

“Nah, see, you  _could_  answer it,” Niall tells him casually, “but it’ll only be more idiots.”

 

Exasperated, Louis turns away from them and flings open the door.

 

On the stoop are two of the most attractive men that Louis has ever seen.

 

“Evening.” The one who speaks first is tall, with curls that sweep across his forehead in an eerily perfect swoop, like he’s  _just_  been to the stylist. His voice is a low rumble that hits Louis right in the groin, and even though he wants to say something sassy about how  _very hilarious_  this all is,  _joke’s over_ , everyone  _fuck off_ , all he does is blink. And stare.

 

Behind him, Niall facepalms.

 

The spell doesn’t last long, though, because the next thing Curly says is, “We were expecting a girl. It’s usually a girl.”

 

Louis throws up his hands. “Seriously, if all of this is a joke because I’m the only openly gay kid at Sunnydale High, I’m going to – like, sue you, or something, whatever."

 

The two men on the porch glance at one another. “Why do you think it’s a joke?” Curly asks.

 

The other one, who still hasn’t said anything, proceeds to give Louis the most intense thousand-yard stare he’s ever experienced.

 

“How could it not be a joke?” Louis demands, a little thrown. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that vampires and – and  _monsters_  are real, and that there’s one poor, put-upon girl in the entire world who can fight them off?”

 

The two men look like they’re not sure why that’s hard to grasp.

 

“Yes?” says Thousand-Yard Stare.

 

“Some poor, put-upon girl or  _you_ , apparently,” Curly adds.

 

Louis senses, rather than hears, Niall come up behind him.

 

“What are you – ” Louis begins, but by then Niall’s standing beside him, waving his hand in the faces of the two men on the porch, and Louis can’t even begin to grasp what is happening.

 

He realizes with a start that Niall’s hand is  _bleeding_ , and just as Louis’ about to ask him where the hell he gets off thinking he can just bleed all over Louis’ front step with no repercussions, he looks up at the two men standing outside and the words die in his throat.

 

Their faces have  _warped._  Curly’s eyes have gone a violent, glowing, feral green, and Thousand Yard Stare’s are amber, like a wild animal. Both of their foreheads have got terrifying ridges and bumps that stop them from looking even passably human. It’s  _horrifying._

 

“What – the –  _hell._ ” Louis takes an automatic step back as Thousand Yard Stare steps toward them, but he stops suddenly, as though he physically cannot go any further.

 

“Vampires,” Niall says triumphantly. “I waved some unexpected snack food in their faces.”

 

“You  _provoked_  them by  _bleeding_  at them?” Louis demands, because wow, okay, maybe there are such things as vampires. What about Big Foot? Is Big Foot back on the table? “Isn’t that, I dunno,  _really dangerous?_ ”

 

“Nah, they can’t get in without an invitation,” Niall says, leaning easily against the doorframe.

 

“ _What?_ ” Louis practically shouts. “Is that a rule? How is that a rule?”

 

“That was uncalled for,” Curly says, shaking his head. He looks like he has to force his face back to the way it looked when Louis first saw him; ridiculously attractive and very, very human. “We just wanted to meet the new Slayer.”

 

“Well, you’ve met him,” Liam puts in, from behind Louis.

 

“Now you can piss off,” Niall adds.

 

The two vampires exchange glances. “Humans used to be so much more  _polite_ ,” Thousand Yard Stare remarks.

 

They both turn around to take a step down off the porch. “We’ll be seeing you around, Slayer,” Curly calls back over his shoulder, and then they’re both gone faster than Louis would have thought anything living could move.

 

“Everything all right?”

 

Louis turns around, startled. He’d forgotten that Eleanor was even here.

 

Something dawns on Niall’s face. “Hang on. Did you see a light? An odd little ball of light? A few minutes ago?”

 

Eleanor looks puzzled. “Yeah? I suppose. It was probably just an odd reflection though.”

 

Liam suddenly clues in. “ _You’re_  the Slayer.”

 

Eleanor blinks. “The who?”

 

“It  _is_  a girl,” Liam and Niall exclaim at the same time.

 

Louis throws up his hands.


End file.
